Will Facebook Make You a Lazy Friend?

At a spectacular celebration on Saturday night, I re-connected with friends I hadn’t see in 25 years and friends in town I hadn’t seen in several months.  Some people drove 9 hours to get to my home (I threw the fabulous bash); others opened their wallets for airline tickets; people in my small town drove 10 miles and over a long bridge, and that’s a hefty effort for some of them.

It was rewarding to spend moments of my time in conversation, receive or give a hug, recall a memory, or glimpse into the future with people.

Now two days later, I have 12 invitations to connect with some of these people on Facebook, and I’m conflicted about the implications for our future. I love technology, but the value of the internet connection and how we choose to use it for friendships and getting to know people are important.

Here’s what I’m mulling over:

• Is Facebook going to take the place of face-to-face connections? For my next bash, will I just set up a giant Skype session?
• In the future, will we over-rely on Facebook for building relationships or remaining committed to friendships? And maybe not feel compelled to drive 9 hours?
• What part of the internet connection will replace that joyous moment of eye-ball recognition of a face from the past?
• If you can catch up with my life on Facebook, will our conversation lose the element of surprise when we do see one another? (Oh, I already knew your only daughter got married! I saw the pictures!)

For most of us, the value of face-to-face interactions is high. In our experience, people often use parts of their sabbatical experience reconnecting real time with important people in their lives - a 92-year old uncle, an adopted child’s family in Thailand or their children or partners.

Melanie Green, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, points to research which has found that in-person visits and calls tend to prompt more contact and make you more likely to be in touch. On the other hand, emails alone have not been shown to increase face-to-face visits. Important to keep in mind if you truly value friendship, family, and making more lasting connections.

Connecting online requires very low effort and has the potential to make all of us lazy when it comes to the efforts needed to truly connect. So, I’ll accept those Facebook requests but will only rely on it and the rest of the internet for “mini touches”.  Gas money for long car trips, bucks for air travel and time away from my work are still most essential for true connection.