In the conference room of a growing, mid-sized technology firm, 35-year-old Larry describes his dream sabbatical to other sabbatical candidates at his company.
Larry’s first career was behind the lens of a camera. Though happy and successful now in the technology field, he’s missed the creativity and intensity of the film industry. Even the long hours and unhealthy food hold some allure. For his four weeks away from work, he wants to re-visit and find an active role in this industry of his youth. He will join a film crew on the west coast to live and breathe in deeply a long-lost love on his career ladder. With plenty of contacts in the industry, Larry can easily make this happen.
“But here’s the big question,” he said to the group. “What do I do with my wife?”
The laughter was polite but nervous. Larry had just pointed out the big fat elephant in the room.
Speeding through life on parallel tracks that never quite connect, a person’s life begs for some time of his or her own – away from work. With a sabbatical on the horizon, candidates often see a chance to settle the “balance scorecard.” It sounds like this: “I should share this time with my family.” “I’ll make my partner happy by hiking the Pacific-Crest Trail we’ve always talked about.” “My parents would really appreciate my helping them re-model the bathroom.”
Nice ideas, but is that really what YOU want to do? It’s one of the most important questions in sabbatical planning.
“I’ll be off on location, getting done at midnight – tired and happy. I could take her with me but it’s not going to be fun for her. So, how am I going to tell her I don’t want her to go?” asks Larry.
Not everyone will struggle as much as Larry, since some couples seem to be doing almost everything separately these days – from taking shifts with the kids, to friendships to having fun. In one of the most comprehensive studies of marriage, the latest research by Penn State sociology professor Paul Amato found that couples spending lots of time together visiting friends, shopping, pursuing vacations and fun, fell 28 percent. For some, that doesn’t mean there’s a problem. It’s just the way things are right now.
But even if you are in one of those relationships and planning a sabbatical, you’ll want to consciously decide. How best can I use this time? (yes, emphasis on selfish I)
Some, like Larry, will have the conversation with their partner in life and strike out on the sabbatical solo. Others, like Sarah, will accommodate everyone but the PTA. She’ll divide up her 8-week sabbatical with events that include time for her, her parents, her spouse and her kids.
Anyone planning a sabbatical arrives at the pivotal place – Deciding whose sabbatical it is, anyway?
How tough will that be for you?
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